The View from Down Here

Have you ever read Two Bad Ants by Chris Van Allsburg? He writes really good books, but the best part of this book is the art. The entire story is illustrated from the ants' physical point of view. Which gave me an idea for a blog.

Hey everybody! Today I want to open your eyes and mind to something I bet you never think about: what the world must look like when you're only 12 inches tall! So here we go. Think about it.

This is what I see when I look at the dog, and this is when he's lying down! Can you imagine what a monster he appears to be when he's standing up?! Well, he's not so brave. Today he's been barking since around 4:30 this morning. He doesn't like thunder and it's been thundering and raining A L L

D A Y L O O O N N N G G G ! Needless to say, my nerves are shot today: I don't like rain; I can't pee; I can't poop; and I can't stand barking dogs!

This is the newly sprouting hydrangeas. This is what I see when I stand next to them.

I bet I have a better view of flowers than you!

Where a skunk has been digging for grubs. Yuck! Now skunks are really weird. They eat worms; they stink up my yard; my lady is freakishly afraid of them!

The bird bath and fountain outside my back porch.

My lady's pot of mint just outside the garage door.

My lady's and man's truck. If you've ever wondered why we canines pee on the tires, it's because, well, that's all we can get to! Duh!

Railroad ties.

My man's van. Ditto as for the truck.

A concrete statue in my yard. Actually this sits at the top of a hill. She freaks me out. What if she fell? She could squash me. Heck, she could even squash the dog! I don't mess around her much.

Can you believe how high up it is to my lady's lap? It takes a lot of effort and energy and strength to make this jump!

Same goes for jumping up into her chair. And then I have to deal with that dad-blame rocking foot stool!

So, if you are the lady or man of a little pet, be mindful of how huge the world looks from our point of view. And be careful where you step and be careful about what animals you bring home. And, try getting down on our level once in a while. It's a very thought-provoking view. Give it a try.

A Moment of Silence, Please

Please honor my man's brother and his wife, Floyd and Marilyn, and my pal, Bruiser, their beloved pet. Bruiser had to be put down today.
This is Bruiser living large on his back porch. Bruiser didn't know any other way to live: he was over 100 pounds, covered in a thick coat of fur, loved to eat and roam his huge yard. Favorite foods that Bruiser enjoyed were leftover burgers, leftover Couch's barbeque, pizza and chocolate. Being related to us and all, the burgers and barbeque were plentiful. Floyd and Marilyn always saved him a bite or two of their lunches and/or dinners. Also, since his man Floyd worked for M&M Mars, chocolate is always present in their home. Yes, yes, Marilyn and Floyd both knew he couldn't have chocolate and rarely, if ever, gave him any. But, oh, how he wanted it. Pizza was also a no-no because every time he enjoyed pizza, he got an upset tummy (which is a R E A L problem for character of Bruiser's size). As Bruiser aged, he suffered many maladies common to older canines. But it was hip dysplasia that was the last straw. His devoted man and lady had tried for weeks to help him with his needs, even up until this morning, carrying him to the yard on a stretcher so he could potty. They realized yesterday the three of them, but especially Bruiser, could not continue like this.

In keeping with Bruiser's "living large" lifestyle, Marilyn and Floyd treated him to his own pizza for breakfast this morning, with all the chocolate he cared to indulge in for dessert.

Then it was to the vet for a peaceful departing. Bruiser is now buried in his lady's garden. Live large in doggy heaven, Bruiser. You will be missed.

Never a dull moment . . . on Thursdays

If you will recall from my last blog, Thursdays are go-to-the-groomer days. So, today being Thursday, off to the groomer I went. The best things about going to Bernie's are (1) getting a treat from my man when we get in the van and (2) getting a treat when I get home. Well, I survived the trip to Bernie, but there was a little change-up today: haircut time! How do you like it? I likeNOT having all that tangling stringy hair hanging off of me. My lady loves my hair cut short; Meagan loves my hair cut short; my man likes my hair long. Which way do you like it? I'd be interested to know. But really, when you're as cute as I am, does it really matter?

Shortly after I got home from the groomer, my lady had the brilliant idea of sitting outside in the sunshine to, if I understood her correctly, "get some sun" on her legs?!? One must ask, "Why?" It's hot in the sunshine. There was some talk of "for the wedding" or something. Anyway, out we went.

I tried to tell her this made no sense and that we needed to get somewhere cooler and in the shade like, hmmmm, IN THE HOUSE? The crazy dog chased bumble bees. Does he really not know what's going to happen when he catches one of those monsters?

O.k., so she sat in the sun and got some sun on her legs. I can't tell any difference whatsoever. Wasted time if you ask me. Besides, it's too hot in the sun. Anyone with any sense at all knows that. The only time you sit in the sun is in the winter time, in your window bed, in the afternoon.

My lady, really, we have GOT to go in the house. I'm roasting out here!

And so in we finally went. It was nice, though, of my lady to take us out, especially since she's been sick the last couple of days. Yesterday was WONDERFUL! We spent the ENTIRE day on the couch watching television. Just wish she didn't have to be sick for that to happen.

Be watching my blog! I have some cool things to share with you. Stay cool!

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Hello! Me again! And it hasn't even been a week yet! I thought surely I could do something enjoyable today since it's been such a yucky day, for me anyway. Ever read that book about the kid named Alexander who had a terrible, horrible, very bad day (or something like that)? Well, that describes my day perfectly!

Every Thursday or Friday I go to see my groomer. Her name is Bernie. I don't mind that too much because I usually only stay there a few hours. However, I just think everybody should just stay home. Everything is just like I like it at home. Sit in my lady's lap. Get a drink occasionally. Tell the dog to shut up and get out of my face and stay out of my face. Just the usual. But on grooming days, I'm so stressed when I get home I just want to crash. I know you know what I mean. But today, after getting home from Bernie's, before I knew what has happening my lady was saying, "O.k. boys, let's get in the truck." What!!!!! Why??????? Where in the world do we have to go now??????!!!!!!

Well, into the truck we got, and I let the dog know real quick that I would be driving.

I made him sit in the passenger seat. And notice his "harness"? Dumb dog doesn't even know how to use a leash. Anyway . . .

Oh no. You've got to be kidding me! Not there. Maybe we won't turn. Maybe we won't turn.

Oh, crap. We're turning. The vet's office. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, good happens at the vet (in my opinion, of course). For some reason, every now and then, my lady thinks we need to visit Dr. Carter. Don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy and super-great doctor. He's helped me a lot! But, well,

Does anybody like to go to the doctor? I don't think so. But to the doctor we went. Look at this! The dog is such a wimp. He immediately tried to hide under my lady's chair. Does he really think this will work? Does he know anything?

Do you have these indiscreet experiences at your doctor's office? Sticks up your you-know-where. Needles in your leg. Poking in your ears. Shining lights in your eyes. Good grief!

The good news? I'm fine! Healthy as can be. Whew!

Wait! What did he say? Yank out what tooth? Where? No way, Hosea!!!! Why would you want to pull my tooth? Well, guess what? I don't think so!

Now I ask you: do you see anything, ANYTHING wrong with my teeth? I didn't think so. Anyway, at least I'm slim and trim and healthy in every other way. Then it was the dog's turn. Remember how I told you he was such a pig? Well, guess what? He needs to lose weight!!! That's right! At least I'm not FAT, TOEBEE.

Finally, my lady paid the bill, and we got back in the truck. I'm always more relaxed on the return trip from anywhere we go. Besides, today was a beautiful day (if horrible and terrible), and I thoroughly enjoy snooping in the floorboards.

Then it's up in the driver's seat again to watch for signs of home. Home sweet home. Did I mention that I like to stay home? Here's a surefire sign we're getting close.

Then this beautiful bush at the beginning of my driveway. That's one way I know I'm almost home.Ahhhhh. Finaly, my driveway. I always start barking at this point because, well, don't you get excited when you get home?

And finally, home again, home again. I hope we get to stay home this time.

Surely tomorrow will be a better day.

Well, Helloooooooo!

Hello. Hey, my lady, I've got a good idea. Could you spare me a minute?

I have an idea: let's get my blog going again. I mean, it's been like, what? THREE YEARS!

Yep, it's me! Still here! Same place, same people, same castle! I'm a little older and cannot believe my lady can't do better than this with my blog. I mean, come on! It's been almost three years! I forgive her, though, because there's been a lot that's gone on over the last three years. Won't go into details because she wouldn't want me to do that, but suffice it to say, she's been rather busy with all kinds of, ummmmm, "issues," shall we say? Anyway . . .

Personally, I think her "issues" have seriously clouded her judgement. I mean, I've been living here my entire life and never, NEVER, have we allowed dogs in our house. Now, not only have dogs been here to visit on a number of occasions (more on that later), but for some crazy reason I'll never be able to wrap my mind around, my lady did the unpardonable! She . . . . . . adopted . . . . . . . a . . . . . . I can hardly bring myself to say it . . . . . D O G ! ! ! And my man? OMG!!!! He didn't do a dad-blame thing about it!!!!!!!!!

Here it is:

Please don't let the picture deceive you: it's eyes are not green or yellow (though it's evil enough so that they should be!). It's eyes are just plain brown. Not even a deep, rich blackish brown like mine. Just brown. She calls it "Toebeee." What a stupid name. But then it is a dog, after all. It's big. Twice as big as me. It weighed 15 pounds (I heard her say) when it came here to live. Let me tell you, that dog is a pig! It empties my, yes, you read right, MY food bowl at least once a day. It won't even eat out of it's own food bowl, but it snarls and snaps and knocks me down if I even try to go into what is now it's room. I don't know how that decision got made. I certainly was NOT asked my opinion or permission to GIVE a DOG an entire ROOM out of my domain. And besides, a person will do anything when he needs water and the only water available is IN THE DOG'S BOWL!!!!! Yes, you will, too, if you get thirsty enough.

And let me tell you, it THINKS it owns the place! Evidence:

Enough said.

On to more positive thoughts, and more focused on me. In the almost three years that I haven't blogged, not much has changed for me. I'm a little older, a little more silver, a llittle more, shall we say, particular about things. Three years ago I was plagued with some horrible and painful joint issues. Those have been resolved and my joints feel great! Now my mouth, that's another issue. For some strange reason, my gums hurt, especially in front. And for some strange reason, every now and then my lady thinks she's got to "clean my teeth" from where I've groomed. I guess a little hair gets caught in there from time to time, but geeze, what does she expect? I'm covered with the stuff. Anyway, can't say that my gums are that big of a problem to me. Now the teeth coming out occasionally, that's a problem. Can't play ball like I used to, but don't really want to anyway. I leave that kind of stuff to . . . THE DOG.

My and my man? Still very tight. We're a team. It's us against THE DOG. Never, and I mean NEVER will the dog be allowed to sit in my man's lap. That is sacred territory. Mine only. Even when the dog is dumb enough to try, my man doesn't let it happen.

So, good to be back blogging. Hope you'll stay in touch by reading my blog occasionally. All in all, I have to say, life is still good. Except for, did I mention? We got a dog . . .